Monday, 27 April 2015

When Were You Happiest?

While catching up on mags the other day I read an interview with Cate Blanchett (or Cate Blanket as David just called her) and when asked when was she happiest, replied, "this afternoon." Which I love. I wonder did Cate - like all women in their thirties it seems - stagger hungrily into the arms of 'mindfulness' as I have these past months. I was talking to David about it this morning. I've started the famous Eckhart Tolle book, 'The Power Of Now' and was trying (awkwardly) to explain why it wasn't kooky mumbo jumbo. "What do you mean when you say 'you are not your feelings'" he asked.

For a good part of the past 18 months I was fairly depressed. Everything that mattered seemed to be going great guns; I was working constantly and Cal and David were both doing really well. I had everything I always wanted, but I was so unhappy with the world and kind of sick of myself, especially the voice in my head that shouted at me to work harder, work less, be nicer, don't be a push-over, have another kid, don't have another kid, live in Amsterdam, live in Sydney, get up, sit down - you get the picture.

You are not your feelings. You are not the chatter in your head. This one thought is a way to turn the volume down. Not off, just down enough to hear your own heartbeat. To feel your Self behind it all, quiet, observant and peaceful. And when it's quiet it's so much easier to observe and just be. And instead of pinning all your happiness on some far off goal, it oozes out of everything around you in this moment now. I know I sound Crazy. Like all this sunshine has gone to my head, or that I've started making my own beverages out of cacti, but I can't recommend jumping aboard the mindfulness bus enough. 

I've never been happier than I was today. I spent the day at my desk working across from David. We went through selects from our shoot last week and were thrilled with what we caught (pics to come soon). We had leftovers for lunch in the sun and the crisp autumn breeze. I picked Cal up and we hung at the park for half an hour. At dinnertime David made an absolute cock-up of a meal (which he's only ever done 3 times before) and laughing, I had to eat a bowl of Nutri-Grain instead. And then I put Cal in the laundry sink for his bath, jammied and storied him and that was it. But today just oozed goodness. 
Cal and David planting Watercress seeds the other day - more cotton is obviously better
Reading the instructions
Fire at Watercress farm!
Irrigation / putting the fire out
Sowing the seeds

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