Corona Anxiety, Parenting Anxiety

It's been a strange time. Today we're deep in the 2nd wave of this stupid Covid thing. The Netherlands, Amsterdam especially, is particularly bad. Yet as I chatted to another mother yesterday we both agreed that this 2nd wave, much worse than the first, feels far less dramatic. We've learnt to live with it. The unknown element has mostly been removed. We're not worried about the kids not having enough food, or any terrifying knock-on events like political instability etc this time round. "It's really like a wave," said the other mother. "You just have to sink to the bottom and wait till it passes."

And in the meantime, we've been, I've been, busying my worry-brain with Stella. A few months ago we noticed a few changes in behaviour that lined up with some classic autism spectrum flags and I've been watching her like a hawk. And have been able to as she's been home during the lockdown period. Every move, every interaction or non-interaction, every obsessive behaviour sent me scurrying to the internet. We had a lady from the local parent and kids team come by the other day and she thought she probably wasn't. She couldn't say for sure. But as Stella sat on the table between us trying to make me laugh by pretending to sneeze, she pointed out how interested Stella was in playing with us and said just based on that she didn't think it was.

She doesn't have much language yet, or some weeks does, then other weeks loses it, so we need to have that checked by a speech therapist. But last night I was digging through this blog, looking at Cal in October 2013 and from the photos we took he was very similar in terms of interests and development. He was definitely a little more communicative, in a video I found from our time in Morocco in Oct 2013 he would nod yes and no when asked a question, but Stella is beginning to as well. And I didn't write a blog about his language explosion until January. We're months away from that now.

Not that I think any of this in interesting to anyone but future-Emma, but today-Emma was glad past-Emma had written down all these things. Parenting can be such a black hole of worry. Even second time around. It's my second wave of worry, ha. And from what I've been told of parenting the waves never stop coming, right. They just keep rolling.

So I keep worrying, and the kids keep growing. Riding the weird-corona-time waves in their own way. Cal accepts that we can't go on holidays or to fun places like indoor trampoline parks for a while, yet is happier than ever with his new school and friends. He reads, jumps on the trampoline in the playground opposite, and plays Zelda on Nintendo. He even enjoys studying for class tests and has done really well on the past few. His energy is settling and his independence growing every day.

Stella is throttling towards two. She's funny. Loves slapstick, compulsive sneezes, falling down, wild peekaboos, loud screaming-laughing. She has this adorable little toddler body. Stocky, strong legs, massive tummy, wild blonde bed hair. Like a miniature Debbie Harry she commands us to "DO!" (read books again and again mostly). 

These are more pics from that Lake in Haarlem. It's the only place beyond our street that we've been to in like, forever. The drive is the right length, the walk to the beach not too far that we can't carry Stella when she gets tired. The water is still and glassy. It's a safe, contained, sheltered space. Everyone is happy there.